List of Alice Miller Quotes

Today I Should Not Be Identified With Any Kind Of Regressive Therapy.

Don't Ever Dare To Take Your College As A Matter Of Course - Because, Like Democracy And Freedom, Many People You'll Never Know Have Broken Their Hearts To Get It For You.

You Gotta Keep That In Check - You Got To.

Regression To The Stage Of Early Infancy Is Not A Suitable Method In And Of Itself. Such A Regression Can Only Be Effective If It Happens In The Natural Course Of Therapy And If The Client Is Able To Maintain Adult Consciousness At The Same Time.

There Are People Who Have Benefited From Therapy Without Being Confronted With The Past At All.

One Of The Best Ways Of Keeping Your Temper In An Argument, As Most Of Us Know Only Too Well, Is Not To Listen To Anything The Other Person Has To Say.

Anyone Who Has Ever Been A Mother Or Father And Is At All Honest Knows From Experience How Difficult It Can Be For Parents To Accept Certain Aspects Of Their Children. It Is Especially Painful To Have To Admit This If We Really Love Our Child And Want To Respect His Or Her Individuality Yet Are Unable To Do So.

Discipline Is ... Life-inhibiting, Is At The Very Least Curtailment Of Vital Activity Insofar As The Latter Cannot Develop As It Wishes But Is Confined Within Specific Limits And Subjected To Specific Rules.

People Who, As Children, Were Intellectually Far Beyond Their Parents And Therefore Admired By Them, But Who Also Therefore Had To Solve Their Own Problems Alone. These People, Who Give Us A Feeling Of Their Intellectual Strength And Will Power, Also Seem To Demand That We, Too, Ought To Fight Off Any Feeling Of Weakness With Intellectual Means. In Their Presence One Feels One Cannot Be Recognized As A Person With Problems Just As They And Their Problems Were Unrecognized By Their Parents, For Whom He Always Had To Be Strong.

It Is Unlikely That Someone Could Proclaim "truths" That Are Counter To Physical Laws For Very Long (for Example, That It Is Healthy For Children To Run Around In Bathing Suits In Winter And In Fur Coats In Summer) Without Appearing Ridiculous. But It Is Perfectly Normal To Speak Of The Necessity Of Striking And Humiliating Children And Robbing Them Of Their Autonomy, At The Same Time Using Such High-sounding Words As Chastising, Upbringing, And Guiding Onto The Right Path.

Parents Are Indeed Capable Of Routinely Torturing Their Children Without Anyone Interceding.

It Is Possible To Resolve Childhood Repression Safely And Without Confusion - Something That Has Always Been Disputed By The Most Respected Schools Of Thought.

He Has Given Ample Evidence Of Qualities Hardly Any Other Living Statesman Has Demonstrated To The Same Degree: The Courage To Look Facts In The Face And To Seek Flexible Solutions, Respect For Others, Give-and-take In Dialog Situations, Absence Of Hypocrisy, A Complete Absence Of Grandeur In The Conduct Of His Personal Life. He Has Never Been Driven By Blind Self-assertion To Make Absurd Decisions.

Where There Had Been Only Fearful Emptiness Or Equally Frightening Grandiose Fan­tasies, An Unexpected Wealth Of Vitality Is Now Discovered. This Is Not A Homecoming, Since This Home Has Never Before Existed. It Is The Creation Of Home.

The Father Receives His Power From God (and From His Own Father). The Teacher Finds The Soil Already Prepared For Obedience, And The Political Leader Has Only To Harvest What Has Been Sown.

If It's Very Painful For You To Criticize Your Friends - You're Safe In Doing It. But If You Take The Slightest Pleasure In It, That's The Time To Hold Your Tongue.

One Can Only Remember What Has Been Consciously Experienced.

The Child Has A Primary Need To Be Regarded And Respected As The Person He Really Is At Any Given Time, And As The Center - The Central Actor - In His Own Activity.

Almost Everywhere We Find . . . The Use Of Various Coercive Measures, To Rid Ourselves As Quickly As Possible Of The Child Withinus--i.e., The Weak, Helpless, Dependent Creature--in Order To Become An Independent Competent Adult Deserving Of Respect. When We Reencounter This Creature In Our Children, We Persecute It With The Same Measures Once Used In Ourselves.

For Some Years Now, There Has Been Proof That The Devastating Effects Of The Traumatization Of Children Take Their Inevitable Tollon Society--a Fact That We Are Still Forbidden To Recognize. This Knowledge Concerns Every Single One Of Us, And--if Disseminated Widely Enough--should Lead To Fundamental Changes In Society; Above All, To A Halt In The Blind Escalation Of Violence.

The Knowledge That You Were Beaten And That This, As Your Parents Tell You, Was For Your Own Good May Well Be Retained (although Not Always), But The Suffering Caused By The Way You Were Mistreated Will Remain Unconscious And Will Later Prevent You From Empathizing With Others. This Is Why Battered Children Grow Up To Be Mothers And Fathers Who Beat Their Offspring

It Is Precisely Because A Child's Feelings Are So Strong That They Cannot Be Repressed Without Serious Consequences. The Stronger A Prisoner Is, The Thicker The Prison Walls Have To Be, Which Impede Or Completely Prevent Later Emotional Growth.

The Results Of Any Traumatic Experience, Such As Abuse, Can Only Be Resolved By Experiencing, Articulating, And Judging Every Facet Of The Original Experience Within A Process Of Careful Therapeutic Disclosure.

Every Child Has A Legitimate Narcissistic Need To Be Noticed, Understood, Taken Seriously, And Respected By His Mother. In The First Weeks And Months Of Life He Needs To Have The Mother At His Disposal, Must Be Able To Use Her And To Be Mirrored By Her.